Guest Blog: Getting to the Heart . . .

Periodically throughout the school year, I meet with groups of parents.  Recently, during one such meeting, one of the parents shared a story that illustrates the role the school plays in the lives of students who feel they are being bullied.  I asked her to write up her story and allow me to use it on my blog.  As you read below, you will see how our school desires to reach the hearts of the children we minister to. 

"As any parent reading this knows, parenting is a constant teaching tool; a constant reminder that keeps us on our toes.  My family has been attending Shannon Forest (church, school, and/or both) for the better part of 12 years. We have children on both the East and West campuses and have been blessed beyond measure by the faculty and staff who have loved our kids and repeatedly pointed them to Christ.

As parents, we often feel strongly about our opinions and parenting perspectives. As believers, we talk about love and grace and BELIEVE it when we say it. However, when the rubber meets the road, what does that GRACE in action REALLY look like?

A few years back, our middle school-aged daughter was being harassed by a classmate. I did not become aware of it for many weeks as my daughter hoped it would just go away. One day I was on campus and found my daughter crying in the gym. Apparently that day had been an extra intense day of teasing resulting in some laughs in front of her peers. As a parent, how would you feel? As a mom, my first reaction was to march up to the student and give them a piece of my mind. I’d like to say the Spirit stopped me, but I will humbly admit it was my daughter who stopped me, fearing I’d make it worse.

As I walked away from the gym, I distinctly remember trusting that the school would “have her back.”  The question I had to ask myself was, “What does ‘having my daughter’s back’ look like here?” I made a few tearful phone calls to some of the school counselors and took some time to allow the Lord to heal my heart as I asked myself what outcome I really wanted here.

We knew the obvious outcome was that the harassing needed to stop. My child needed to feel secure during her school day. That concern was addressed by the school immediately. However, something else started to happen in my heart. I started to really begin to care and pray for the student who had been making life difficult for my child. I no longer felt angry. Instead, I felt a desire to not only restore my child to feeling happy, safe, and carefree amongst her peers, but I also wanted to restore the OTHER child to be the best they could be.

I thought a lot about myself. I thought about the gospel and this opportunity to live it out even when it was HARD. The world told me that this child deserved punishment; that this child deserved to feel as bad as my daughter had felt. After all, that’s justice and “they need to learn.”

In His sweet soft voice, Jesus reminded me that not a day goes by that I am not a recipient of His amazing UNMERITED grace. Because of the gospel, the Lord is committed to me and to restoring me even when I don’t deserve it.

Could I fight to have this child disciplined? Yes. Did this child owe my child an apology? Yes. Would these actions most likely cause a behavioral change? YES!   Didn’t I want more, though? Didn’t I want heart change?

I realized that REAL CHANGE IN THIS STUDENT COULD NOT AND WOULD NOT HAPPEN outside of the gospel.

My daughter did receive an apology. The leadership at Shannon was helpful and led the way in seeing the BIG picture. I hope that child harassing mine felt instruction and remorse. However, my desire is that remorse came as a result of the love and grace shown to this child because the result of that WILL be behavioral change. I will also be LASTING because it originates in the heart.

What a blessing it is to have our children attending an institution that values real and lasting change in the hearts of our students. I so appreciate that the leadership understands that getting to the heart is the only way to discover REAL growth and change and you can’t get there without the gospel."

Are We Equipping?

Below is an email I received from Katie Rollings, one of our parents and current School Board member:

Bob-

I attended a luncheon in Columbia on Tuesday, and I found myself sitting next to an individual who is a CPA by training, but works in Student Affairs at one of our state universities.  We talked about many things, but I took the opportunity to get her opinion on student preparedness for college in those areas that employers are most in need of finding:  innovation, problem solving, thinking outside the box, collaboration, etc.  I won’t go into her full answer via email, but suffice it to say that she had several comments of interest:

·         The incoming freshmen are woefully lacking in these skill sets (I don’t think that should be a surprise to you)

·         25% of incoming students are on medication…and not ADHD medication, etc.  but medication for anxiety and depression.  I was both stunned and saddened by that percentage and it prompted me to solicit her opinion on the role of parents in this trend (because I personally believe that parents bear much guilt for transferring responsibility for their happiness onto their children…quite inappropriately obviously). 

·         Parents are a significant problem for Offices of Student Affairs in higher education across the country.  She sees it first-hand every day.  Again, not surprising, but I found it so interesting to sit and actually talk to someone living it versus reading surveys and studies that speak to the same reality. 

It got me thinking about Shannon’s distinctives and about what our “sell” is.  I think it goes back in large measure to two terms we’ve already discussed:   private and Christian.  We have the flexibility to address real educational needs in our world unhampered by the directives of the State.   We also, as a Christian school, offer the hope of Christ to a generation of students who are stressed out, anxious, burdened and utterly NOT free in Christ…even if they are Christians.   School, by its very design, encourages competition and stress which, although not all bad, does rob education of its purer side:  the pursuit of Truth and excellence motivated by OUR very design (i.e. what we were made to do).  I identify with this tension namely because it was the blue print for my own salvation…a freeing of me from my own enslavement to performance and perfection.  Obviously, I still struggle (often in not so subtle ways) with the old demons, but the FREEDOM in Christ I realized at salvation was transformative and still is.

So, I found this conversation with this individual over lunch interesting to say the least.  To my knowledge she is not a believer, and we certainly did not talk about any of her observations in a Christian context.  It was on the drive home that I began to think about the unique role SFCS does and can play in some of these problems endemic to higher ed. 

Katie